The Tuna Hunter Ch.4 “Lake Geneva “
December 27, 2008 in My Books, The Tuna Hunter
Ch 4. LAKE GENEVA
The beautifully manicured hands, fingers spread, underwent a minute inspection, that lasted a long time. A very expensive after shave fragrance was added to the atmosphere, and the exquisite crystal and gold framed mirror recorded a slick face, with the eyebrows knotted slightly, as if the owner was calculating, or deep in thought.
Yes…
He was already rich. Rich beyond the wildest dreams of ordinary, little men. But he was no little man. On an impulse, he strode across to the window, his silk dressing gown rustling discreetly. He pulled back the curtains, and gazed out on the beautiful waters of Lake Geneva. On the rolling lawns of his gleaming white mansion, where a team of gardners, their backs bent, were already, at this hour of the morning, hard at work manicuring even his lawn to green lustered perfection. He watched his chauffeur washing the Rolls Royce Corniche in the drive, and smiled as he thought of the Charity Ball he would attend that night, the donation of ten thousand dollars he would make, the wild applause he would bow humbly to, the stupid little society girls who would gaze at him with their big calf eyes, and jostle bitchily with each other to be in the picture with him. He laughed quietly. He could have any one of them, any time he wanted…
Yes, he was rich. Super rich.
Not, however, rich enough. Money was the greatest game in town. The only game. And he knew how to play it to perfection. This latest scheme, planned into the minutest details, should net him an easy one hundred and fifty million dollars. For a minimal risk outlay. The two and a half million dollars in premiums for the additional insurance he had taken out, and the half million dollar cash advance to that broken nosed psychopathic thug…
He frowned very slightly. Any enterprise carried risk. There was the slight chance the scheme might fail. But the stakes were so high, as to make the three million dollar stake money pale into nothing. Besides, the man was good. Very good…
Closing the window, he strolled back over to the marble fireplace, and selected a cigarette from a carved ivory box. Reflecting quietly on the instrument of his scheme, he lit the cigarette with rock steady hands, and blew out a satisfying cloud. The man was efficient…
He had used him three times before, always through a third party, to avoid the risk of blackmail. Always, the brute had delivered. Usually in half the allotted time span, with a minimum of fuss. He was a truly excellent psychopath to have on a – very – long leash. Especially when some other fool was willing for peanuts to hold firmly on to the other end. A ripple of laughter went around the room as he thought of the leash-holder, Rene Schultz. The picture of the fat, overdressed little man, with the absurdly foppish silk handkerchief, and the perpetually perspiring forehead floated through his mind. The cheap extortion racketeer, the Bremen dockside smuggler in contraband with his band of minor league thugs with high opinions of themselves. Schultz, with his phony warehousing front, was the fall guy who held the beast with little more than a string. If the psychopath turned, tried anything, Schultz stood in the firing line.The funny thing was that the little worm did not even know the identity of his employer. Essential communication took place from telephone boxes, and the bulky envelopes, stuffed with hundred or thousand dollar bills, arriving anonymously through the post, left no trail. Certainly, the little fat wheeler dealer might guess one day. Put two and two together. Perhaps be tempted to drop names. But that eventuality had also been addressed. It had not been too difficult, through one of his many subsidiaries, to do some trading with Mr Schultz. A few hundred tons of crated wines and liqueurs. With some deliberately poor stock control. No questions asked. Schultz had soon taken the bait. His gambling debts had him often dangerously desperate for ready cash. At first it had been small quantities that failed to arrive, with crudely forged paperwork. As time had passed by, the forgeries had become better, and the missing quantities larger and larger. Until now, the shortfall stood at over one hundred and seventy thousand dollars. More than enough, if Mr Schultz ever got to be a liability, to do a sudden stock take. Call in a team of accountants. Pile up evidence of a corrupt little conman. Allegations? What allegations? His attornies would dive in like sharks, hitting little Mr Schultz for everything he had; they would portray the man as a vicious little petty crook, trying to besmirch the honor of good men,
in order to deflect attention from his own wrongdoing…
The dry little self congratulating chuckle bubbled up again, as he thought of his attorney. Another triumph… It was all a matter of finding the right man. In this case, dear Mr Mayer, with his fondness for young boys. Dear avuncular Mr Mayer, with his grandfather spectacles, his winning ways, and his sordid little secrets. A man who could be utterly destroyed at a moment’s notice. With the help of some photographs he did not even know existed…
Dear Mr Mayer… a brilliant legal mind, who would answer any question in wonderful detail, going into case histories with a memory so clear he could rattle of names, dates and details of submissions forever. All you had to do was ask the question the right way. You didn’t ask: “If I do this, can they catch me? ” Instead, you said things like:
“Dear Mr Mayer, I worry about what a vicious distrustful world this is, and how much damage a legitimate businessman can suffer at the hands of the gutter press… If somebody tried to blackmail me, for instance by alleging I had committed a serious insurance fraud, or some other fraud, how best would I defend myself? ”
They would go into breathtaking details, set up holding companies, set up offshore banking accounts, set up colossal complicated chains of command, elaborate smoke screens, and generally the sort of legal tangle that would drive a team of investigators round the bend.
Another approach had been to claim he was trying to write a detective novel, and that he needed some help.
“What if my character, a famous detective, is fighting a crook, who has successfully committed the following fraud… ”
And they would sit up all night discussing the scenario, whilst Mr Mayer licked his lips at the thought of his next bill. Which was of course always instantly paid, without a quibble.
He yawned, stretched luxuriously, and rang for breakfast. While the maid scurried in and out, he debated what he should wear. Something expensive, obviously, that showed his high breeding, but nothing ostentatious. The newspapers would be there, the fashion magazines, and the gossip columnists. He had to polish his public image to perfection…
The beautifully manicured hands, fingers spread, were raised up to the light again, and closely examined. The perfectly cut nails, pink and healthy, the long sinewy fingers, like a piano player’s, stretched out luxuriously, and a thumb fondled the solid gold ring that supported the nugget on the ring finger. The light caught it, and sharp rays sparkled in rainbow colours around the lavish room.
Beautiful fingers, that twisted, and coiled, and manipulated…
F.M.
(c)
Storm and Fire – Passion & Judgment
December 26, 2008 in Auto-biographical (spiritual quest)
STORM AND FIRE

THESIS:
I’m in a steep dive.
In a small, two seat, aerobatic aircraft. An Eagle. Agile, fast.
The airspeed is increasing. The controls are going super sensitive.
The propeller tips are going supersonic.
Now they are screaming. Above the bellow of the engine, I can hear them.
140…150…160 knots….
The altimeter is unwinding. The two hands are racing backwards around the clock. I have the stick hard forward.
The green fields are coming up. This is insanity.
170…180…185 knots…
The throttle is hard forward. My left hand is still pushing, but the throttle can go no further. She is giving me everything she’s got. Two hundred horses. Their manes flying in the wind, foaming at the mouth, bridle in their teeth, Their eyes are borderline demented, frenzied. Riders of the storm.
Faster. I want to go faster. Steeper.
And still the altimeter unwinds…
The heavy motorcycle weaves through the Interstate traffic effortlessly.
A black leather figure with a white helmet.
Both cylinders are working to capacity. The throttle is rolled hard open. It can go no further.
He wished it would. All thirteen hundred cc’s of cylinder space are doing their level best. Converting fuel and air into fire.
115…120…miles per hour…
Faster. I want to go faster.
And still the speedometer climbs…
The waves are being tortured.
Foam and spray, white and helpless, is being blown back. Grotesque scars tear down the back of the rollers.
The wind is dominant. And I, puny mortal, have three men putting their trust in me.
Ahead, the offshore platform deck seems awfully small, and surrounded by an unforgiving storm lashed sea.
40 knots of wind…
The intercom is quiet. They are not happy. But they know me, and they trust me. I am honored by their trust. And that of their families. But I… am happy. I am in my element.
I ease back on the cyclic, simultaneously lowering some collective pitch. The helicopter pitches up slightly, and slows down a fraction. Our descent rate is increasing. We have half a mile and five hundred feet to go…
If you spread out your arms and legs, you slow down.
That enables other jumpers to catch up with you. You form a ring in the sky. It’s nuts.
You are all together. Linked up. Everybody grins. This is so cool.
Let’s ignore- for a little while- that this ride is terminal.
120 miles per hour…
We split up. I do a turning back flip, and adopt the Delta position.
130….140… miles per hour.
I can feel my jump suit rattling in the wind storm. I love it.
“No “, she said. “I’m tired of you. “
I, brokenhearted, asked why.
“You are Extreme Man “, she said.
“You don’t do anything by halves. You live, think, dream, and drive like the wind. And you make love like a whirlwind.
I can’t keep up with you. And that Celtic gloom… I have never known a man who can be so happy, and so sad at the same time. You drive me crazy. I want somebody ordinary… “
And I, a twenty three year old wrinkled veteran of Life, what was I to say?
I am hunched down. He can barely hear me.
Around me, the flies and smell of the Angolan refugee camp.
His small, emaciated six year old body is wracked by coughing spasms. Pathetically malnutritioned, his ribs sticking out like little sticks covered by a thin, yellowy skin, his eyes, stunningly insightful, stare at me from his death bed.
“Don’t die, Sumbo “, I beg him, simply.
His eyes ask me why I even care. There are millions like him. Many millions more are long gone.
I know why I care. I don’t know if he will believe me. He has seen his father die. He has seen his mother die.
Why should he believe I care?
“Put the gun down! Do it NOW! “
I heard the angry voices, clearly carrying on the night air. Sliding along the side of the house, a round in the chamber, I moved through the half shadows carefully. Warily, I raised my head up so I could peep over the stained wooden window sill. I noticed how it badly needed some paint. Steadily I brought up my weapon. Until it was aimed squarely at the right side of his unseeing head. Once I had acquired the target, I felt a savage, cold satisfaction. My finger moved to the trigger.
The long knife that exploded at me in a vicious arc glinted dully in the artificial lights of the ship’s engine room.
I stepped back just in time. My brain, reeling, knew instantly that death had missed me by inches. Again.
My fist, taking on a life of its own, propelled by a most primitive instinct, impacted as hard as I could possibly manage, on the side of his head. He grunted, and stalled for a second…
“Do you understand the triangle of the Three Great Loves? “, he asked me, gently.
I looked blank. He smiled. I liked him. It was five in the morning. We had -once again- been discussing God and the Universe. All night long.
“At the top of the triangle “, he continued, “is the Love of God. You have that Love. In great abundance… “
I protested. “But I don’t even know if there IS a God. “
He smiled, and waved away my protestations. Continuing, he said:
“at the one corner at the bottom, is the Love of Man. You have that Love. “
I said nothing.
“But at the other corner. What do you think we have there? “
I looked even more blank. I had no clue.
“I swear by Almighty God to tell the Truth, the whole Truth, and nothing but the Truth… “
I listened to them all, swearing the oath on the Bible. All except the Atheist, he refused the Bible. Instead, he made an affirmation I think they called it. I knew they were going to lie. Through their teeth.They always did.
As for me? I told the Truth. I lost the case of course.
******
ANTITHESIS:
The Never-exceed-speed is two hundred and ten miles per hour.
At that speed, the flying wires of your little biplane are quivering like the strings on a guitar. You’re coming down like a German Stuka dive bomber. Howling. But you’ve got a lot of energy.
The ground of course is just spreading out in all directions.
Ground rush. Spectacular,but Deadly. Trick is to wait. Wait…. wait….
Then: Hard back on the stick!
As soon as you hit the vertical, a hard over on the ailerons. Now you are performing a climbing roll. You can literally place the trailing edge of your wing on the horizon, and roll it 360 degrees around. And all the while, you have all this energy to play with. All that energy, so valuable, which gives you tremendous vertical penetration. You can truly rocket up into the Wild Blue. The airshow crowd love it. Especially with a smoke generator….
******
SYNTHESIS:
You dive headlong into it,
seemingly suicidal,
but actually with great skill,
and a certain subtle cunning,
a mischievous delight
to then
rise high above it all,
and soar to greater creative heights than ever before.
Life is for living. Life is Risk. Living has a 100% fatality rate. It’s not about wealth.
Or retirement savings.
Or career.
Or esteem from your peers.
It’s about “fight “. Getting your ticket’s worth. Ride that bus. Think. Challenge. Dream…
And love it…
F.M.
(c)
Last edited by Francis Meyrick on July 18, 2014, 5:40 pm
We, the Weary people
December 25, 2008 in Uncategorized
December 25, 2008
(for one of my buddies, who thinks Barack Obama’s Public Works projects and Big Spending economic policies are brilliantly original, the salvation of the US economy, and have never, ever, been tried before…)
“We have tried spending money. We are spending more than we have ever spent before and it does not work. And I have just one interest, and if I am wrong… somebody else can have my job. I want to see this country prosperous. I want to see people get a job. I want to see people get enough to eat. We have never made good on our promises…
I say after eight years of this Administration we have just as much unemployment as when we started…. And an enormous debt to boot! “
“A wise and frugal government, which shall restrain men from injuring one another, which shall leave them otherwise free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth of labor the bread it has earned. This is the sum of good government. “
“At what point then is the approach of danger to be expected? I answer, if it ever reaches us, it must spring up amongst us. It cannot come from abroad. If destruction be our lot, we must ourselves be its author and finisher. As a nation of free men, we must live through all time, or die by suicide. “
“…Some who heard this speech may have wondered where Roosevelt would get the money for his massive public works, his “aid to agriculture ” and his “bold leadership in distress relief “, among other promises. It may have been especially perplexing because Roosevelt, while he was promising a more active government, was also promising to cut government in size by 25 per cent and to balance the budget in each year of his presidency. But how could Roosevelt expand federal programs and cut government and balance the budget at the same time? We are back again to Roosevelt’s lack of economic training. It can’t be done… “
It is a strange walk.
Lonely, frustrating, and often seemingly pointless. It is, after all, easier to accept than to query. Easier to acquiesce than to resist. Easier to cheer when others are cheering, than to raise doubts and question the integrity of famous leaders, past and present. Revered icons, like Franklin D. Roosevelt, spoken of in awed and hushed tones by his legions of admirers.
Or the Great Barack Obama, the perceived savior of the human race, worshiped with borderline religious hysteria by masses of frenzied groupies. Elected on hype, deliberately vague promises, a cult of personality, emotionalism, and the hope of lots more free lunch?
“The most damning indictment of FDR’s New Deal Agenda is that it did not do what it set out to do: end the Great Depression. Ask anyone over eighty, and he or she will probably say that FDR cared about the working man and gave the country hope. Maybe so, but that is not a sound economic plan – to declare, much as Bill Clinton would do sixty years later, “I feel your pain “. Empathy is all well and good, but it does not create jobs or business or wealth. “
“The Democrats’ current laundry list of ‘new’ New Deal programs-from cap and trade anti-global warming regulations, to 52 per cent marginal tax rates, to socialized health care, to $300 billion of new spending programs every year appear to be almost intentionally designed to torpedo the U.S. economy. Voters may find the recent Barack Obama chant, ‘Change we can believe in’, mighty appealing. But if we adopt this “new’ New Deal, the economy will almost certainly crater… “
The campaign reminded me of the wildly popular TV show “Survivor “.
Where the winner it seems excels at double speak, triple smiles, and quadruple personalities. All of them devious and underhand.
The smiling knife wins every time…
All of this was gushingly aided and abetted by a trendy media establishment, of which so many seem so obsessively eager to be on the winning side, to be “right ” and forceful, and convincing, in the daily televised verbal slanging matches. Which pass by the innocuous description as “interviews “. Where panels of so-called “experts ” race to cram in as many words per second as possible, whilst all the time desperate to drown out the voice of dissent. If logic and carefully reasoned arguments, presented in a polite and articulate manner do not suffice, then there is always the fall-back reserve strategy of bluster and decibels. Most of what we see and hear on television falls under the latter category.
At the same time, the walk is not quite as solitary as one might think. It can also be a fascinating, creative experience.
A sharing of doubts with like minded souls. A healthy skepticism applied to accepted norms. A suspicion, deep and growing, that we, the people, puppets all, have been and continue to be, lied to, deceived, conned, hoodwinked and generally made a Rhesus Monkey of.
We have a fundamental weakness, we little ones. An unfortunate tendency. A gullibility. We always tend to make assumptions. The same assumptions. Politicians are honest, sincere, and have only the good of the nation at heart. And of course… they know what they are doing.
Scientists are honest, admit their doubts and uncertainties, and never, ever, lie, deceive or fabricate evidence to gain fame, appointments, and lucrative research grants. Businessmen are honest, and have only the good of their work force and shareholders at heart.
Insurance company managers and C.E.O.’s are honest, and have only the good of their Mom and Pop investors at heart.
Idem ditto for brokerage houses, investment advisers, life insurance salesmen, and used car salesmen.
And now for governments. Governments are only there for the good of the people. Our governments are full of high principled, self sacrificing, super-wise borderline omniscient leaders, who care about you and me. Who will lead us “by the calloused hand ” (quote from ‘little Barry’) towards the promised land of plenty.
Right. Oh, yeah. Uh-huh….I wish.
It takes a brave soul to take on these comfortable assumptions. A brave soul indeed, for he is at risk of being vilified as some kind of sociopath. A radical perhaps. Some kind of a nutter. Out of touch with reality. Can’t you see? Obama has the answers! (Everybody cheer…)
(why don’t we throw our coats before him on the road? Heck, our shirts while we are at it?)
The truth may be that Man has a strong fundamental tendency towards becoming corrupt, mean, selfish and grasping. Machiavelli was right…
Children and young people may -perhaps-survive into early adulthood with their ideals and innocence intact, but they will probably change into cynics, or become easy pickings for the established cynics.
In matters spiritual, emotional, material, political, legal or historical.
The truth may be that corruption in government is rampant. The same for waste, bribery, pork barrel politics, political lobbying, and nepotism. Epitomized during the reign of FDR, the great UnAmerican, by the cynical (cynical!) dispensation of ‘patronage’ (money, lots of it, from the tax payers). FDR, it has been said, had a vote calculating machine in his head. He thought nothing of dispensing funds in truly staggering amounts to the richer states, the swing vote states, where he thought the most votes were at stake. Whereas the poorer southern states, which were solidly democratic, but where the need was also much greater (more poor people, and grossly disadvantaged black tenant farmers) received -by comparison- a mere pittance.
FDR elevated political cynicism, the manipulation of the gullible, to a fine Art form.
The trick is to inspire passionate loyalty, a Messianic Presence, utter devotion, with a cold ‘votes calculator’ between your ears. Make each side believe you -secretly- share their view. And that, in the fullness of time, you will vindicate their trust in you.
“And I will lead you by the calloused hand… ” (Barack Obama)
Give me a break. This is pure emotion. Not substance. Or track record.
Mr Obama, if I was running for chairman of the local Podunk Bowling Club, or president of the Ballyhoop Geranium Growers Society, I could quote 99 per cent of your speeches verbatim, and nobody would think I was talking about running the USA…
The truth IS… that the founding fathers of the United States warned in the most ringing and eloquent terms against the dangers of ‘big government’ and the dangers of involvement in foreign wars.
“I have ever deemed it fundamental for the United States never to take active part in the quarrels of Europe. Their political interests are entirely distinct from ours. Their mutual jealousies, their balance of power, their complicated alliances, their forms and principles of government, are all foreign to us. They are nations of eternal war. “
And what have we got?
Bigger and bigger government, with a ballooning bureaucracy, exponential growth in national debt, and the emergence almost daily of yet more entities clamoring for a taxpayer funded bail out. And an overseas “tar pit ” which in some regards bears an uncomfortable resemblance to Vietnam.
Always, always, we have this humongous federal “elite “, bloated beyond belief, puffed up with their own self importance, and arrogant in their belief that they know better than you or I how to spend our tax payer dollars. So, because we, the people, are so retarded, they will make these difficult decisions for us. They will decide how to spend more and more of our money. For our own good of course. I feel so grateful. So moved. Almost weepy.
Far too small a percentage of the electorate reads History. Therefore, we are doomed to repeat the same mistakes.
Here we go again. FDR prolonged the Great Depression, with his central planning, his cockamamie alphabet soup of federal agencies tricking around with the economy, and his supremely arrogant, amateurish, beginner’s grasp of Economics.
There are endless excellent studies out, all of which point to some inescapable truths:
Far from solving the problems of the Great Depression, FDR’s buffoonery and political chicanery actually prolonged it.
And he spent billions of dollars achieving this negative result. As Morgenthau, the Secretary of the Treasury, went on record as saying, in May 1939, after nearly eight years of FDR’s bungling incompetence:
“We have tried spending money. We are spending more than we have ever spent before and it does not work. And I have just one interest, and if I am wrong… somebody else can have my job. I want to see this country prosperous. I want to see people get a job. I want to see people get enough to eat. We have never made good on our promises… I say after eight years of this Administration we have just as much unemployment as when we started…. And an enormous debt to boot! “
FDR was the head of an “elite ” that “knew better ” than the people.
He engaged in:
Central Planning. Public Works expenditure. Government intervention. Subsidies. Bail outs. The ‘New Deal’.
There is plenty of evidence that his policies simply did not work.
A number of books are out that make fascinating reading.
“New Deal or Raw Deal? ” Burton Folsom
“The New Dealers War ” Thomas Fleming
“FDR’s Folly ” Jim Powell
And what is dear Barry talking about? Our Dear Leader?
Surprise, surprise.
Central Planning. Public Works expenditure. Government intervention. Subsidies. Bail outs. The ‘New’ New Deal…
We have learned, since the Great Depression, exactly… nothing.
Despite the Internet, despite the free flow of information, the level of trust, hope and expectation invested by so many people in the next administration is…. touching.
This…puppet…. has had enough of the BS. Already. What Obama is talking about is not going to work. It will cost the tax payer a fortune, that’s for sure. Reduce our freedoms and our ability to decide ourselves how we wish to spend our working dollars. But it will not solve the underlying root economic problems. Too much emotionalism, party politics, hopelessly unrealistic Utopian socialism, paternalism,
sentimentalism, pork barreling, and contempt for the lessons of History and Economics.
We are doomed to give previously failed economic policies, tried over and over again in the past, yet another run.
Once again, we see how the Federal government is indeed,similar to a runaway Express train, going full belt down the rails, with nobody in the drivers’ cab, and everybody giving lofty,emotional, stirring speeches in the Dining Car.
We, the Weary People, the tiny minority who can see the easily predictable train wreck coming along, we protest…
“…Some who heard this speech may have wondered where Roosevelt would get the money for his massive public works, his “aid to agriculture ” and his “bold leadership in distress relief “, among other promises. It may have been especially perplexing because Roosevelt, while he was promising a more active government, was also promising to cut government in size by 25 per cent and to balance the budget in each year of his presidency. But how could Roosevelt expand federal programs and cut government and balance the budget at the same time? We are back again to Roosevelt’s lack of economic training. It can’t be done… “
(Burton W.Folsom, page 38, ‘New Deal or Raw Deal?’)
We protest urgently. Get real, America.
You face problems you cannot solve by any other means than a quiet, thoughtful approach to studying the lessons of History and Economics.
At the same time, realistically, taking into consideration the fundamentally limited nature of us ‘all too’ human beings.
“I will lead you by the calloused hand… “
(sigh…)
F.M.
(c)
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Last edited by Francis Meyrick on September 2, 2010, 11:00 am
The Tuna Hunter Ch.3 “The Caddock lambs “
December 25, 2008 in My Books, The Tuna Hunter
3. THE CADDOCK LAMBS
All her friends and family felt she should have been a vet. Such were her patent abilities with animals. Her father’s dairy farm afforded her many opportunities to work with animals of all kinds. Cows, sheep, chickens, dogs, cats, geese, ducks and a lone tortoise all seemed to thrive under her care. Not to mention the odd hedgehog, rabbit, or bird. And of course, Billy, the moody old goat with a penchant for yellow oilskins hung out to dry.
The old folk would comment that the sheep, normally the most shy of animals, would run to the fence only for her. The retired farmers would shake their heads in amusement, and pronounce it highly unusual for a whole herd of sheep to display such obvious enthusiasm for their mistress.
If the truth be known, it was the old caddocks that led the rush, those sheep who as young lambs had been left abandoned, or whose mothers had died giving birth. Who, shivering wet, hungry and bewildered, had found themselves alone on a hillside some foggy, wet, March or April morning at early dawn. In a world of strange sounds, smells and colors, and surrounded by swooping Blackbacks. These large birds, with a three foot wingspan or more, would quickly locate a lone newly born, and swoop at its head, terrifying it. Then they would land, like a gang of street thugs, and form a circle around their victim. They would puff themselves up, and hop steadily closer. The lamb would cower, defenseless and utterly distraught. The blackbacks would hop a little closer, sensing the vulnerability of their victim.
Then one would lunge forwards, and cruelly peck out one of the lamb’s eyes. The lamb would jump back in pain and horror, momentarily galvanized into flight. But soon it would sink to its knees again, gazing around pathetically out of the one good eye, whilst the sight of the bloody socket drove the blackbacks into a frenzy of excitement. It would not be long before another tormentor would seize his opportunity, and swiftly slide in from the other side. The sight in the one good eye would be obliterated in a second as well, and instantly the gang of killers would fall on their still quaking victim, and tear viciously at the quivering flesh. A last tiny strangled sound would be heard, a whimper of despair, a final plea for mother to come, and then another new born life would slowly, slowly, painfully, slip away…
Sometimes however, the gang of killers, forming a circle around their intended victim, beginning their final death dance, would suddenly be disturbed. A hundred yards away, a tousled black mop of hair would appear. Followed by a panting, rain lashed face. The eyes would search, focus, and open wide. Then there would come a ringing cry of:
“Get away you bloody bastards…! “
And a figure, rain soaked, wrapped unflatteringly in a blue anorak, leggings and wellington boots, would come hurtling forwards, yelling, cursing, throwing stones, tripping over rocks, falling into ditches, tangling with barbed wire fences, but all the time advancing, clamoring against the world, determined to reach the scene. The unmistakable voice of a young woman, high,angry, determined, would startle even the hungriest Blackbacks. It reverberated around the valley, leaving no doubt as to the intensity of feeling. As the young men locally, many of whom eyed her with interest, would say:
“Nice face,great figure,smashing knockers, but… not quite feminine. ”
Perhaps not…
She had a ringing voice, that could travel far when needed. Thus it was that some of the local ladies complained quietly to her father, that the expression…
“BUGGER OFF YOU FILTHY SHITEHAWKS!!! ”
…was perhaps a little over the top?
Her father, having thought for a second, was rumored to have replied:
“Sure that’s fuckin’ nothing! You want to hear her when she’s really pissed! ”
* * *
Life would improve dramatically for the rescued little lamb, if only it could cling to life for a day or two. It would find itself picked up, stuck inside an anorak, where it would be warm for the first time. It would be bounced up and down for an hour or more, and a strange voice would keep up a constant stream of encouragement. Then it would see daylight again in a nice, warm kitchen, with plenty of warm milk.
It would live in a cardboard box, all comfortable and snug, and its new mother would come and feed it regularly, chatting away in the same
happy, chirpy voice. The lamb’s life would be simple again. Eat and sleep, and enjoy being stroked and tickled and fussed over.
Her determination was inexhaustible. Time and time again, when she was very young, her father would come in and look into the cardboard boxes to see what his daughter had rescued this time. He would shake his head, and say things like:
“That one will never make it through the night. Waste of time… ”
His daughter would sit up all night, feeding, stroking, cajoling and loving the wet little bundle of scrawny wool. More often than not, her father would come down early the next morning, and find his daughter still sitting there. And a little face peeping out at him, taking tiny sips at a warm bottle of milk. “Well, I’ll be… “, he would say, scratching his head. Then he would take off across the early morning hills, tramping the sheep farmer’s spring vigil.
Perhaps it was small wonder then, that the caddocks would come racing across the field to her, bringing the rest of the gang along with them. She would laugh and stroke them, and feed them slices of turnip.
And on market days, when many of them were packed off to market and eventual slaughter, she would hide herself away, not bearing to see them, and cry.
Christina O’Dwyer, ‘Chris’ to her friends, was a tough broad on the outside.
…and soft as butter on the inside.
* * *
He hit the starter button, and the big piston engine turned over a few times, wheezed, coughed, and stopped.
Not now, baby, not now…
Three hundred yards off the port side, he could clearly see the massive foamer, the dark shapes darting about, and the swooping sea birds preying on the tiny anchovy. There was a two hundred ton haul out there, begging to be caught. The presence of anchovy was a huge plus. It
meant the tuna would be gorging themselves, and less likely to be distracted by the purse seiner’s propeller, or that of the skiff boat. They were also unlikely to dive deeply when threatened.
Come on darling…
He pressed the starter again. The engine caught, backfired, ran on for a second, and cut out with a disappointing ‘phut!’.
Oh, sheeeit…!
He had been hauled from his cabin by an excited deck boss, and the rapid call to ‘standby’ had quickly energized the ship to fever pitch. The skiff boat crew had legged it to their post, and climbed hurriedly over the waiting net to the secondary boat. Carried high on the stern of the fishing boat, piggy-back style, the skiff could be slid down a steep ramp by the release of a pulley. It would hit the water with a splash, with the three men inside holding on for dear life. There it would bob patiently, serving as an anchor point for one end of the massive net. The purse seiner herself would continue steaming around the foamer, with the three quarter mile long net and the associated chains and rubber floats playing out noisily over the stern of the ship. It was for all the world like a curtain being slowly drawn in a four hundred meter circle around the -hopefully- unsuspecting fish. Slowly, slowly, the ring would encircle the foamer. After a few minutes furious steaming, the ship would slow down again as it approached the skiff boat. Cables would be thrown across quickly, and now the ring had closed…
But still the fish could escape. For the bottom of the purse was still open. All the tuna had to do was dive deep, one hundred and fifty meters or more, and they could escape the curtain slowly draping down. But time was now at a premium. The moment cables were passed from skiff boat to mother ship, the winches noisily started their work. Hauling in on steel cables, the bottom of the net would be slowly drawn together. Slowly, slowly, the potential escape area underneath would be reduced. The winches would strain, cables would creak, the minutes
would pass. Then, maybe twenty or thirty minutes later, the moment would come: the purse was closed. No escape was now possible, except for the odd fish lucky enough to find a damaged area of net. Now it was only a matter of time. Two hours, sometimes three of four if it was a big catch, would go by before the net was back on board and the last fish deposited down the one-way slide to the super cooled sea water and the freezers. Escape was impossible once the purse closed.
Of course, things could go wrong, and often did. The mother ship would drop its piggyback sibling off the stern, and then steam away from the skiff boat as fast as possible. The encircling movement would start, and then, for no apparent reason, the tuna would suddenly head off towards freedom. Before even the ring could be closed, never mind the purse, every last fish would be well clear, hundreds of yards away, swimming strongly into the sunset. There would be nothing left to do but continue to close the ring, draw the purse cables, and begin the
massive labor intensive task of hauling the net back in, in the certain knowledge that it was all a complete waste of time. This could happen time after time, sometimes for days or even weeks at a time. The crew would shake their heads in disappointment, and mutter their frustrations.
Crazy damn fish…
Or maybe they would blame the captain.
What a bad set… he let go too late!…
what a clown…
It was small wonder that the experienced captains would rack their brains as to methods to contain the fish until the ring was closed. Speedboats would race around in circles in the open area of the ring, trying to hem the foamer in. The slower net boats would assist, and each
ship usually carried three of those. The noise and the propellers churning up the water might deter the fish from heading out to safety. Sometimes it seemed to work, more often it didn’t.
Another trick was throw dozens and dozens of small bags of colored dye into the water. As the bags sank down, bright luminescent green clouds would pour forth, turning the water murky. The fish would turn away from the dye… or dive underneath…
Even dynamite had been tried. And many were the hair raising stories told of sailors losing their fingers.
The favorite device though, the most mobile, the noisiest, the quickest to respond to a weak area in the defenses, was always the helicopter…
The chopper could race ahead of the school of fish, and pirouette, tail-spin, hover three feet above the water, and generally scare the leaders into turning around…
If you turned the leaders, you had turned the pack. It was a simple as that. Sometimes.
Provided, as Bob grimly reflected, the bloody thing would condescend to start. He pumped the throttle twice more, and winced as he heard the distant commands and the crash as the skiff boat slid down the ramp. The captain was ‘setting’, unable to wait any longer for the helicopter, and Bob hadn’t even got the damn thing started yet…
“Come on, baby, PLEASE…
NICE helicopter… ”
He spoke the plea out loud, held his breath, and touched the starter button again. A loud backfire resulted this time, the blades turned a desultory two or three rotations, and then everything died once more. His patience suddenly worn thin, Bob turned the heads
of some of the crew members leaving the crow’s nest at the top of the tower with a loud:
“START…! You bloody BITCH! For FUX SAKE!! ”
The witnesses grinned to one another. They knew their Irish helicopter pilot’s routines quite well by now. There followed a loud bang, a cough, and then the healthy roar of a six cylinder Lycoming engine. The blades turned, faster and faster, and Bob sighed with relief. On the bridge below, the Fishmaster, turning the wheel as he started around the ring, also breathed more easily.
The race was on…
F.M.
(c)
The Tuna Hunter Ch.2 “The Contract “
December 25, 2008 in My Books, The Tuna Hunter
2. THE CONTRACT
The light in the dingy room was subdued, coming as it was from a single dim bulb that hung precariously from a cracked light fitting. The room was sparsely furnished, with an old desk, a few decrepit chairs that looked as if they had been used in a bar room brawl, and a dusty, rusting filing cabinet. There was no carpet, and even the floorboards were cracked and moldy. The floodlights on the harbor quay outside did their best to add some light, battling with a miserable, drizzling rain, and a dark, moonless night. One of the window panes was cracked, and the steady drip of a leaking drain pipe quietly invaded the silent room.
There were five men either sitting in the tired armchairs, or leaning against the wall. Three of them smoked, one obviously nervously. Nobody spoke.
One chair was conspicuously empty, and it faced the desk. Four men were arranged around the vacant seat in such a way that it promised to be the focal point. The fifth man, the nervous one, florid, expensively dressed, sat behind the desk. He frequently mopped at his forehead with a white silk handkerchief. Nobody else moved.
The telephone rang shrilly, almost obscenely, and the nervous one practically suffered a stroke on the spot. He grabbed the receiver off the hook, paused, composed himself with a superhuman effort, and managed a fairly tight ‘Yes?’. Some words were spoken at the other end. The others in the room could not make out what was said, but they guessed the content. The nervous one replaced the receiver, mopped his forehead again, and announced quietly: “He’s coming… ”
Once again, silence returned, but one could sense a heightened air of anticipation. The nervous one caught himself drumming his fingers on the desk, and forced himself to stop. He wanted to impress his men with how cool he was, and how much into the big time of things he had gotten. The leaking drain pipe took over the accompaniment where he left off, and the steady drip continued once again as the only sound.
A few minutes later, foot steps could be heard on the creaking stairs. The handle on the door turned slowly, and two very large men in long raincoats entered. One, carrying a small black brief case, sat down in the vacant chair, whilst the other assumed a position behind his left shoulder. Still not a word had been spoken, and no greeting intimated by either gesture or speech.
It was the nervous one who broke the silence first. He was ill at ease.
“As agreed… ”
His hand trembled as he reached into his inside pocket, and produced a large, bulging envelope.
“Expenses and up-front money… ”
He handed it across to the newly arrived occupant of the chair in front of him, who accepted the package without comment. There was a click as the small briefcase opened, and then another as it shut. The silence returned, with the steady drip the sole player once more.
Nobody moved.
Once again it was the nervous one who broke the silence. This was the moment he had been expecting. The moment he could make a little speech, to impress his men that they were no longer small-time fraudsters. They were up in the super league now, where millions counted as mere pocket money.
“And if I may say… ” He coughed nervously.
“We all feel… ”
The white silk handkerchief came out again.
“As you will be leaving tomorrow… ”
Suddenly all his lines were lost. The silent mountain in front of him unnerved him. His carefully prepared speech seemed futile, and a sudden inexplicable rage against this figure welled up inside him. The words were out before he could stop himself.
“Dammit, man, I just hope you know how much is riding on this… ”
There was no response, and he plunged on recklessly:
“My clients are not men to be trifled with! We’re talking millions of dollars here! Just remember… ”
His voice trailed away, as the head in front of him moved very slightly. The light fell clearly on the granite jaw, and the grotesquely broken nose. The nervous one stopped in his tracks, and watched, transfixed, as the solid jaw moved, and the thin lips pulled back into a mirthless smile. The lips parted, and white teeth flashed for an instant. But there was no warmth.
The voice, when it came, was soft, almost sibilant.
“Goodnight, gentlemen… ”
The two newcomers left quietly, leaving the room in silence. The steady drip seemed louder.
“My word! “, the nervous one sighed at last.
He shivered, vaguely aware that he had failed to come across anywhere near as tough as he would have liked.
He looked at the others, as if for support.
“He’s actually looking forward to it. I swear. He’s going to kill twelve men and enjoy every second of it… ”
F.M.
(c)
Last edited by Francis Meyrick on December 25, 2008, 11:07 am
The Tuna Hunter Ch.1 “The Empty Quarter “
December 25, 2008 in My Books, The Tuna Hunter
1. THE EMPTY QUARTER

Alone above the Pacific Ocean, just south of the Equator, the tiny speck in the immense sky seemed lost and out of place. It circled, hung around for a while, and then popped off to look at another interesting piece of ocean. Slowly, it grew in size, and became a Bell 47 piston helicopter.
For the hundredth time, the lone pilot checked his instruments. His gaze traveled quickly across engine and rotor rpm, engine oil pressure, oil temperature, cylinder head temperature and electrical load. Without any surprise he recognized normality, and then he transferred his left hand to the cyclic stick, releasing his right hand to move to flick over the temperature switch. It was a clumsy system, but only in this way could he check the main rotor gearbox temperature. The only alternative was to reach across to the switch with his left hand, a peculiarly uncomfortable maneuver, and one he chose to reject. The main rotor gearbox temperature came up in the green also, slightly cooler than the engine oil.
He sighed quietly, and swapped hands on the cyclic stick again. The old Bell 47 helicopter rumbled and grumbled quietly on, nothing in her performance attesting to her twenty seven years of faithful service.
For countless thousands of hours, her pilots had variously babied or abused her, appreciated her classic lines and old style quirks, or roundly cursed them. It was all the same in the end, and steadily she droned on, her rotors playing tricks with the scorching sunlight.
Where, he wondered, were all the Tuna gone?
For nearly two hours now he had circled the mother ship in ever widening circles, and now he was thirty six miles north-north-east of the only landing site available to him. Below, in all directions, spread the awesome immensity of the Pacific Ocean, horizon to horizon, with not a single ship in sight. His mother ship was way out of sight over the horizon, and no human life signs showed themselves.
He was completely alone.
In the early days, he reflected wryly, it had worried him.
He had gazed out anxiously many a time, always hoping to spot another ship on the horizon. It would make him feel better to know that help, however intangible, was at hand if a sudden mechanical problem forced him down amongst those hungry waves. Whenever he had found himself totally alone, he had worried. Stories would come back to him about tuna spotting helicopter pilots who mysteriously failed to return. Who simply disappeared…
An emergency call would go out, and tuna helicopters would rush in from every direction. They would search for days on end, but never find a trace. No machine, no bodies. No wreckage. Nothing.
When he remembered stories like that, he would nervously finger the tab of his inflatable life jacket, and mentally go through the emergency ditching procedures. It had taken him some time to settle down.
Now, with over two thousand flying hours tuna spotting behind him, he knew he was more relaxed, although not totally. It still, like this day, gave him a vaguely chilly feeling to be alone like this, a thousand miles from the nearest land, flying along at only eight hundred feet, searching the waves for the Signs of the Tuna…
There had been times he had seriously considered quitting permanently, and going back to instructing helicopter and airplane flying in California. That was a more stable life, more regular, as opposed to the cramped, noisy, at times very insular life aboard a Taiwanese tuna ship, where few of his shipmates spoke more than a few words of English. He would complete a six month tour, go home for a few months, grow restless, and come back for another six months. He only vaguely understood the reasons. Certainly, the financial incentives were excellent. He was remarkably well paid. Qualified as both a pilot and a helicopter maintenance technician, he combined two jobs in one. His employer was fair, and treated Bob McCann well. His company knew him as a stable pilot, an average mechanic, but above all as an employee who somehow never got on the wrong side of some of their more mercurial client captains. They rewarded him accordingly.
To Bob however, there was more to it than just money. In the vague restlessness he felt after a month or two back home on holiday, he sometimes half fathomed his longing to get back onto another tuna boat. He, almost uniquely amongst tuna pilots, actually liked hanging alone above the Ocean…
It was a strange love affair, that had started on almost his first reconnaissance flight, three years earlier. He had been flying with a Taiwanese observer, Yang, who had spent almost the entire flight peering through binoculars, and barking out compass headings.
“You fly two-seven-zero, quick-quick! ”
Bob had obediently swung the helicopter around, and then had peered into the distance, puzzled at the little Taiwanese’s obvious urgency. He had noticed nothing.
“You see? White water. Foamer! You see? ”
Bob had not seen. He had looked hard, but seen only white topped waves, and spray blowing back.
Then, amazingly, they had arrived overhead, and he had seen. The foamer. White water. The purpose of his new employment…
The sea had erupted into life. Quick bursts of white foam were appearing all over. He had the immediate impression of a garment tearing, of a beautiful translucent emerald green dress being ripped full of holes. When he looked down again, he could clearly see hundreds and hundreds of small, agile shapes darting about, some leaping high up out of the water, before satisfyingly crashing back down in a shower of spray. They were like a bunch of out of control schoolboys making mischief. The surface of the sea was being torn open, and brilliant white gashes criss crossed the green surface. The white scars seemed to bunch together in five or six groups, each group maybe twenty or thirty meters across. Then two of the foaming, vibrant, living groups were joined together as yet more tuna surfaced to join the wild party. Impossible as it seemed, even more vivid white gashes were opening up, as yet more raving party goers made a grand entrance. Within a minute, the five or six groups had merged into one huge white foaming frenzy, some two hundred meters or more in diameter. Spellbound, Bob could only stare down from the circling helicopter, his eyes opened wide in awed amazement. There had to have been hundreds and hundreds, maybe thousands of fish down there…
“You see, Yellow Fin. All together. Foamer. White water. Is good. Many fish. You understand? ”
The calm voice of Yang, unperturbed, matter-of-fact, had snapped Bob back to reality. He had stared at his observer for a whole second, amazed that this man did not share his own awed breathlessness…
Bob had understood all right. On that day, he had fallen in love with one of Nature’s more spectacular displays. Foamer. White water. To him, it was life itself in such abundance, with such a gay abandon that it was hard not to regard the Tuna as having fun. Having a ball, in fact. The more rational explanation that they were surface feeding, and chasing small anchovy, seemed wholly inadequate to convey the sheer dynamism of the event. It seemed much more appropriate to think in terms of the Tuna frolicking, playing, erupting out of the deep with such force that they sailed clean out of the water, sometimes several feet into the air, landing back with a bursting white splash. He could never shake off an impression of the boys showing off, playing for devilment at who could jump the highest. Who could make the biggest splash. Who could jump the highest wave. Who could make the most white water…
After that, he had become an avid Tuna watcher. He had learned to recognize the foamer from afar. From fifteen and twenty miles away he had been known to spot the ‘white water’, when the erupting Tuna turned the ocean into a boiling cauldron. He had learned to recognize the ‘breezer’, or ‘black water’, a phenomenon much harder to capture at first. It occurred when the Tuna stayed below the surface, but packed together in such dense schools, that they affected the wave action. The result was an area that looked as if the waves had suddenly died down. A relative calm would exist where waves should have held sway. When the helicopter flew over the top, and the pilot looked down, he could see the shadows of the submerged fish.
Black water…
And finally, one evening after sunset, when he had stood alone on the very bow of the ship…
When the engines had been stopped, and only the generators disturbed the peace, just before nightfall, a foamer had welled up beside the silently rolling ship, only yards from where he alone stood witness.
One moment he was alone on deck, peering through the twilight to the far horizons, with not another ship to be seen. Feeling alone, mournful, missing he knew not what…
The next moment, he was witnessing the first ‘jumpers’ erupting, vanguards of the main formation, only yards from where he stood in silent introspection. That was the night when he realized that a foamer also has its own sound. Its own music. The cry of the circling, diving, hungry birds intermingled with a soft splashing of thousands of busy fins. The surprisingly loud ‘smack’ as the erupting Tuna re-entered the water. The struggling, desperate sounds of small fish shooting across the surface, eagerly pursued by the hungry Tuna. It was like no sound he had ever heard before. With the sound of wind and waves forming the accompaniment, here was Nature in its purest, unspoiled as yet by Man, and he had wished only for all extraneous noise on the intruding killer ship to cease…
He shook himself, and changed course slightly, as if to banish the memories of those early days. At least for now… he needed to concentrate on the task in hand.
Where were all the Tuna gone?
He worried, when it was like this. Were the Tuna under threat? Was he unwittingly just a tool in the hands of the exterminators? Would the Tuna go the way of so many other species?
He sensed already the entry in his flying logbook for that day’s flying. ‘E.Q.’
It stood for: ‘Empty Quarter’. The name of that region of Saudi Arabia where no-one lives. Where dry, hot desert sand stifles life.
The Empty Quarter.
That entry in his logbook signified: ‘Nothing seen. No life. No sign of the Tuna.’
He looked around the Pacific Ocean, from horizon to horizon, and tried hard to shake off the illusion of a dead sea, a strangled ocean, where human avarice and shortsightedness had destroyed all life. It wasn’t that bad – yet. But still the nightmare haunted him.
It was easy to imagine that he was a flier in the year A.D.3000. Flying his space ship over a moribund watery desert.
Officially named…
The Empty Quarter…
Francis Meyrick
(c)
Last edited by Francis Meyrick on June 30, 2009, 7:18 am
A Lonely Cockpit
November 24, 2008 in Auto-biographical (law enforcement), Sheriff Pilot
A LONELY COCKPIT

I guess I can recognize danger pretty well.
I bloody hope so anyway. Especially in Aviation. And even more especially with helicopters. The fact that I am still alive, having logged more than 10,000 flying hours in helicopters, aerobatic “stunt ” aircraft, open cockpit biplanes, and other somewhat oddball contraptions,.. in a wide variety of flying arenas around the world….it would be nice if that proved that I am really quite an ace aviator… but it probably means that despite being a somewhat scatterbrained, quasi-intellectual moron… I’ve really just been dead lucky. No, I have never even scratched a helicopter. Not a mark.
Ah! That little voice! That slightly concerned, slightly sardonic, heavily sarcastic little voice in my mind… that says…
“Well… not YET anyways…. “
Yes, I admit it. I worry. Sometimes I worry a lot. I guess I’ve been hanging around the skirts of Mistress Aviation too long. How often have I seen other pilots get clobbered by “TTFS “? Which is an acronym for ‘Those terrible few seconds’, in which pilots boob, drop the spoon, and instantly transform a hitherto unblemished career into one of our worst nightmares? Deep down, we all know it. You could serve somewhere loyally and cheerfully for twenty years as an aviator. Never do nuthin’. Next thing: your right brake suddenly fails in your Cessna Turbo 210 whilst taxying in a strong quartering tailwind (it happened to me). There you are, slewing left uncontrollably, heading straight for a thousand gallon water tank, and a thundering DISASTER.
Which will not do your three-bladed constant speed prop any good, nor your freshly overhauled TSIO-520 engine, nor (Heaven forsakes!) your reputation… And you have that awful choice.
1) slam on power, hoping that will give you more airflow around your rudder, so you can swing RIGHT out of harm’s way? Knowing however that you are also pointing the WRONG way, towards an immovable object, and that – if you miscalculate – you are going to pound that damn water tank ten times as hard?
2) pull the mixture control, coasting all the time, kill the engine, pump your working left brake as best you can without pulling yourself even further in towards all those obstacles on your left, and HOPE (!) , brother, just HOPE… that you stop in time…
(I did). (just)
But if I hadn’t… would I have been remembered as a good chap. not a bad pilot, who just had (everybody grins) “that little bit of bad luck when he SAID ” (everybody grins even more) “that his right brake failed ” ???
Hell, no….
I would have been remembered as that “Moron up at the Sheriff’s Office… comes blasting down the taxiway… doesn’t allow for the wind… demolishes a 1000 gallon water tank… chops up his prop and engine… never goes on fire only because he gets SOAKED…. what a performance… “
(Ah, this cruel world…)
It follows that you try and PLAN ahead. You try, basically, at least I do, to let my imagination swing ahead and contemplate the various awesome possibilities. Maybe go talk about it with other people. What IF… I was flying along, and… the weather really clagged in… very low IFR ceilings… and I diverted to my alternate… only to find my alternate really unexpectedly closing in… now WHAT would I do?
Or. If my OH58 tail rotor gearbox seizes solid, and I fly back to my airfield, and enter autorotation, when I get to the bottom, and flare, THEN what happens?
Those… are the kind of questions pilots ask one another. Or their little sardonic inner voice does.
What… am I going to @#$!!ing well do… IF… such-and-such occurs?
I kind of like that little inner voice. He’s my buddy. Sort of. Even though he can be a sarcastic, snippety, mean old sod.
Mostly though, I can keep him in his place. As long as I plan ahead. Prepare beforehand.
Don’t ever let the situation get you to where, well, NOW what you’re trying to do is LEARN ON THE JOB… become a TEST pilot… you’ve arrived overhead a situation that you’ve not encountered before… worse… you’ve never even TALKED about it before. Now that inner voice will have a field day.
He’s just going to let you have it. Right between the eyes.
Which… takes me back to THAT day. That famous day. One of the loneliest moments I have ever had in the cockpit. Yeah… I had NOT encountered it before. We had… sort of talked about it… sort of… but we SHOULD have practiced it… and we never did. Then…. I was there…. and I could sense that little inner voice of mine clearing his damn throat…
I’d been scrambled in a hurry. Three guys had been caught trying to burglarize a house. The owner had returned by chance, there had been a first class shoot-out, with one of the robbers getting a bullet in the shoulder. The guys had fled in a white Chevy pickup truck.
Not many minutes later, way out in the desert, there he was….
one white dot…. bouncing along in one hell of a hurry….
In a fast dive, at 110 knots or so, we caught up quickly. We. One pilot, and two officers.
Three hundred yards to go. And I could see clearly where our friends were heading for. Another mile would put them in the foothills of a large mountain range. Steep gorges, rocks, bushes, trees… No roads. You could hide an army up there.
Now what.
This was a high risk situation. As far as we knew, there were three armed and desperate men in that vehicle. All our previous experience and practice was based on the helicopter providing orbiting command/surveillance in support of ground officers going in…
This time…
There were no ground officers. They were forty minutes away, running code, not sure of our position.
Two hundred and fifty yards to go.
There was silence in the cockpit. The Detective sitting beside me, the Lieutenant sitting in the back… what were they thinking?
A high risk stop, using a helicopter only….
“I’m going to try and bluff them… “
My inner voice was by now screeching in protest.
I refused to listen.
I switched on the siren, and, seconds later, we beat furiously low over the top of the pickup.
Then, shushing madly sideways, I turned our left side to the driver, giving him the full view of our large “Sheriff ” logo, whilst also giving my two passengers the best possible view. Both men drew their weapons, and aimed out the windows.
The Chevy altered course to his left, and instantly the helicopter cut him off, whilst maintaining a thirty yard separation.
All I could think of was ‘small arms fire’….
I was trying to keep a respectable range whilst still intimidating them.
“Any guns?… how many guys are in there….?? “
He braked suddenly and hard… the driver opened the door, and dived out….
“He’s running….! “
The helicopter moved to cut the runner off, and just as abruptly, he stopped, and ran back to the vehicle…
“He’s going to get a gun!!!! “
Momentary confusion. John was shouting from the back, but he had not put his headset on, and we could not understand what he was saying. Dean, sitting beside me, looked confused.
The helicopter was in a two foot hover, thirty yards behind the pickup, and the driver, the only person who had exited, seemed to be rooting around inside the cabin, his legs still outside…
“Holy…. “
I was aware that there was now a hesitation on our part occurring at a critical moment, when there should not be ANY.
At the very moment I decided to abruptly increase our separation, John solved the dilemma, and irrevocably committed us all…. with an impressive roar, he bailed straight out the door, leaping off the skid, weapon drawn, charging across the desert…
Followed a few seconds later by Dean, who lost several vital seconds by undoing his harness okay but forgetting his helmet lead…
And then it was all over… one suspect was cowering, holding his arms and hands up and forwards in a gesture of surrender and supplication….
“I give up, I give up, DON’T SHOOT ME… “
There were no other occupants. They had already bailed. We rolled them up later. One, hiding under a bush three miles away. And another, trying to hitchhike his way home, was arrested trying to hitch a ride off a plain clothes detective’s car….
He got his ride.
So it all worked out okay. Everybody was pleased. The Sheriff was thrilled. The newspapers lapped it up. My own boss grinned as well. Although she knew me well enough to know that hubby had some reservations about the exact unfolding of events…
And we debriefed. Extensively. And we went out and practised. And we all agreed, quietly, that we improvised, and that maybe we shouldn’t have…. and well, we got lucky…
“And let’s never get into THAT situation again… “
Time went by. Other things a happened. Some good, some bad. Some very exciting.
Some a little terrifying. But I found that I could never get that memory out of my mind.
Part of the memory was a visual 3-D image. Of the three of us in the helicopter, streaking low across the desert in a blur, catching up rapidly with the white Chevy pickup truck.
Three hundred yards to go.
110 knots…
Two hundred and fifty yards to go…
The other part of the memory is a constant replay of a little voice. A damn, pesky, accusing, sarcastic little voice.
A little voice that seemed to say:
“Okay….Francis… you IDIOT… and WHAT… are you going to do….
NOW……????
Francis Meyrick
(c)
Last edited by Francis Meyrick on December 28, 2008, 11:58 am
Curiosity: “Introduction “
November 14, 2008 in article about writing, Why do I write?
An Ode to Curiosity

Of all the human attributes, tendencies, motivations or instincts, I applaud what I regard as the great virtue of curiosity.
Humans who show little or no curiosity have lost a lot. Curiosity is child’s play. It is a natural gift from whatever Deity you worship or revere. And if you don’t, then it’s a truly pleasing and challenging side effect of the random mutations and genetic coincidences that spewed out humankind -for better or for worse- from the primordial genetic soup.
Curiosity first led a thoughtful teenager to question the existence of God, and I have been doing that ever since. I have come up with different conclusions at different times, but it was (and is) curiosity that motivates me.
It was curiosity that first made me have a go at driving my cousin’s motorbike. And that was five minutes that changed my life. It was curiosity that made me wonder if I could jump out of a perfectly good airplane. There was no good reason that I could think of, and no likely reward. But I did it anyway, and then I had to go back to do it again, because it was over too quickly, and I missed too much. Doing my 100th free fall, from fourteen thousand feet, I remember idly wondering what I thought I was going to achieve. It was curiosity that led me to wonder if I could fly a loop in my old asthmatic open cockpit biplane. Having read a book, I went up and taught myself. And I also taught myself to fly Hammerheads, vertical rolls, Lomcevaks, and even outside loops. Remarkably stupid it was, in retrospect, but it was also a whole lot of fun. Blame it on curiosity. Already a three thousand hour fixed wing pilot, it was curiosity that led me to wonder if I could hover a helicopter. And look where that got me…
It was -and is- curiosity that makes me want to reach out to other people. People are very interesting, and very different.
The older I get, the less I am inclined to rush to judgment. I have certainly long since given up the notion that I know it all. I may not even know very much at all. I may just be a half blind man, sitting in a darkened room. But somewhere, some Kind Presence has lifted a small corner of a heavy curtain. It’s not so much that I can see the bright daylight, waiting to flood in, given half a chance. It’s more that I can sense it. I feel it’s there. I just wish I was more receptive to it.
It was curiosity that drove me to write.
If you are a detractor, you might wish to snort at that choice of verb. I don’t mind if you call it “scribbling “. I’m not offended. I’m perfectly content to indulge in this passion. It was curiosity that drove me to publish some works on a website called “Writers Cafe “. If you are writer with a competitive nature, who wishes to be recognized amongst your peers, then that may well be your present or future hang out. It didn’t suit me after a while. I didn’t like the competitiveness, the league tables, the most recognized list. I found myself shooting up the list of the “most viewed “. I found myself getting involved in site politics. Sticking up for writers who were getting beaten up. Then I realized my writing style was being influenced by what I perceived to be the way to get the most views. I was writing for an audience. I wasn’t sure I liked that.
Then, to cap it all, I realized I was dialing in to the site, and eagerly checking to see if I had climbed the league tables at all.
And I got a guilty satisfaction when I would see I had climbed from position one hundred and twenty three to position one hundred and nineteen. Vanity had set in. I had lost my balance.
The hate mails I then started to get, from rabid fans defending some really atrocious “writers ” (heavily into smut and obscenity and abuse of fellow writers), actually helped me a lot. It was an easy decision to pull the plug. I quit, and moved on. I wanted something else. Rather than be a Writers Cafe painter, in a noisy room full of painters, all furiously hurling color at blank canvas, and arguing bitterly about who was the best at it, I chose a different route.
It was my friend Curiosity -again- that made me wonder if I could set up my own website. My own little paint room…
It was as if I was leaving the large, noisy, argumentative painting hall, with the hundreds and hundreds of Cafe painters going hard at it, and walking away, up the stairs, and looking for a room with a balcony. I would be alone, but the view would likely be much better.
All I needed now was an architect. Curiosity drove me along. I engaged one, and the new, small room we started working on was called “Writers’ Haven “. Money exchanged hands, but the results were disappointing. Promises were made by the coder, that were simply never honored. Time deadlines were pushed further and further back. The few painters we got, drifted away. The facilities were simply not up to it.
Eventually, I got tired. I simply ceased believing a word that first coder architect told me, and moved on. I found a different architect, and the result you see before you, www.writers harbor.org…
And here in this room I sit, contentedly scribbling away.
Mostly on my ownsome.
The Harbor is, to all extents and purposes, pretty well exactly what I wanted. I enjoy many of the site’s technical features, which afford a lot of capability. And are quietly being improved upon all the time.
There are of course, hundreds and hundreds of writing websites. More spring up all the time. Some are motivated by dollar signs (advertising) I imagine, others I’m sure are run by sincere art lovers.
We’ll see what happens. Curiosity reigns. Our Cat, Pintle, in the photograph above, has the right idea. Early every morning, while it’s still dark, she peers out the kitchen window, at the dawning new day. Eager to see what’s new, what’s happening, and what’s different.
Her whole being, her body, her head, her ears, signal a high stage of alert. She is awake, aware, and curious.
Awake, aware, and curious…
There simply is no better start to another writing day.
Francis Meyrick
(c)
Last edited by Francis Meyrick on May 23, 2009, 10:27 pm
A Blip on the Radar (Part 4) “Apples and Pears “
November 13, 2008 in Auto-biographical (tuna helicopters), Blip on the Radar
A Blip on the Radar (4)

Our ship had once again put into the port of Wewak, on the northern coast of Papua New Guinea, to offload her catch onto a refrigerated container ship. I, faced with three or four days of leisure, had gone ashore in search of adventure, and maybe some fresh fruit. I got more than I bargained for.
And I don’t mean the fruit.
People, the world over, are all -pretty much- the same. There are the Good and the Dubious. The occasional Bad. The Friendly and the Sullen. The Welcoming and the deeply Suspicious. Thus it was that my cheerful “Good morning! ” drew a mixed bag of reactions. As always I would start a conversation here, or crack a joke there, or I would wisely and promptly move on if I sensed hostility. I carefully picked my way around the bright red Betelnut spit on what passed for a sidewalk. The locals chew the Betelnut, which is a small, hard looking fruit, which contains a mild narcotic. So I’m told. The by product is that it stains their teeth blood red. It is easy to tell therefore who has been chewing the nut. Their stained teeth tell it all. A visitor often finds it somewhat lugubrious and disconcerting. As if he is surrounded by Dracula worshipers, who have just finished supping some poor unfortunate’s blood. Now matter how many times you visit, as a Westerner it is still hard to get used to it.
The streets are rough, full of cracks and pot holes. The houses are equally poorly constructed, with careless masonry work showing everywhere. Great globs of cement glare ingloriously at the passer by, speaking in their own voice of the inexperience or the lack of pride of the bygone mason. Dry cracks show up next to these ugly globs, as if crying out in desperation for just a quick flick of the wrist. A little smoothing, a quick leveling, and a deft scrape along the mortar line with the tip of the trowel. Alas, too late now, and the neglect was hardened into short term perpetuity. It would be there forever, for all passers by to see. Or for those who cared to look.
Until the house came down. In a few years or decades.
In the midst of all this, you would pass a carpenter’s shop, with work in progress. No routers or skill saws were in evidence. Basic hand tools were being wielded. It made me feel as if I was in some kind of a time warp, and I was really visiting society as it was some centuries earlier. That illusion had no sooner taken hold, when it was obliterated by the small computer shop, where I bought a replacement printer ink cartridge.
Arriving at the main street, I headed for the supermarket, past throngs of people standing and loudly discussing subjects of earth shattering importance. There were large groups gathered there, hundreds of people strong, all seemingly freed of any need to go about more productive business. Unemployment was rampant, and I formed the impression that meeting in the main street was something of a daily social occasion, a meeting place to hear the latest gossip, and to stare at the occasional stranger. Like myself.

The sidewalks, cracked, uneven, dangerous, were now spit slippery with unending streams of chewed Betelnut juice. There were few inhibitions about unloading spent chewings, and the bright red surface on which I carefully trod bore a mute witness to the three main occupations of these large throngs: gossiping, staring, and spitting.
I asked myself how I felt about these fellow human beings. I knew in my heart I bore them no prejudice. A product of a different society, a different culture, and seemingly a different time, they were all still feeling human beings. Capable of great Good and great Evil. Great kindness and great cruelty.
Some smiled at me, and were friendly. I smiled back, and exchanged a greeting. Others gave me hard looks, with searching, measuring, calculating eyes, and I was glad I was there in broad daylight. The machetes so many of them carried looked ugly and sharp, and the stories came back to me about unfortunate drivers, brutally hacked to pieces for running over somebody’s wayward chicken. I had been warned to be careful during the day, and avoid the place altogether at night. On a previous visit I had met up with some Australian missionaries, tired, frightened, some of them quite dispirited, and all of them living in a fortified compound. With a permanent security guard. On rare occasions you could see a white woman walking around the town, always with a tough looking male escort, and they would nod politely when we passed. There was always this air of concealed menace that hung in the air in Wewak. And indeed, in many other local towns I would visit. Sad stories were whispered, about gang rape, and witch doctors, and violent robbery. One missionary had told me, using an odd kind of metaphor, that “if there were Olympic Games for rape, then the Papua New Guineans would be gold medal winners every time. ” Another had remarked that in his view, the Devil had a favorite home in P.N.G.
There was however, as I had discovered, also another side to Papua New Guinea. Many of the people were absolutely delightful. In religious terms, I describe myself as a “Floatist “, which means I am free to attend any service of any religion anywhere in the world. I am free to go with an open mind, and I do not mock what I maybe do not understand, and I respect people and beliefs they hold sacred, even if I cannot personally accept their beliefs. Thus I had attended quite a few church services and Bible meetings in PNG.
You have not lived until you have heard the soft, infinitely devoted prayer of the Papuans, with their beautiful, soul moving singing. I challenge any man, cynic though he may be, not to be touched with the purity of many young Papuans, who embrace what we might call Modernity, and the Internet, education and newspapers with a warm enthusiasm. Who welcome strangers -like myself- by crossing the street with big smiles, and a warm handshake. And who are -passionately- proud of their nation, their people, and their culture.
Yes, Wewak is a mixed bag. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Hope and despair. Enlightenment (what we call it, anyway) and a peculiar primitive savagery. A country where you could still meet a woman carrying a small piglet, and breast feeding the piglet as she walked along, carrying a heavy burden on her head. It was said the piglet was worth more than the woman. And that if anything happened to that piglet, that she might be punished with a cruel and vicious beating. The truth of these stories is impossible for me to confirm or deny. I do know, that when I rented a car, I received the admonition to race to the nearest police station if I was involved in any incident whatsoever. Most especially if I was to knock over a chicken, or, heaven forbid, a piglet. I was to demand to be locked up, and I was to tell the Police to call the rental car company immediately. Whether this concern found its origin in the car rental company’s regard for my personal safety, or whether perhaps this was more a reflection of their concern for their vehicle, I would not like to say.
It was therefore with all these impressions in my mind, that I once again headed purposefully down Wewak main street. Respectfully, but cautiously. I personally had never had any trouble. And I really wasn’t expecting any on this particular day. I arrived at the familiar ramshackle super market, with the massive, rusted bars and grilles on the windows, themselves badly in need of paint. The floor was earth, trodden hard, and the shelves were crudely cobbled together from old scraps of wood. I had picked my way carefully past a throng of locals spilling off the sidewalk outside. They would only be let inside in small numbers, two or three at a time, for fear of shoplifting. I walked in, past the vigilant and tough looking Papua security guard, with the black baseball bat, and headed over to the fresh fruit area. I was allowed to keep my carrying bag with me, but if I had been a local I would have been required to surrender same at the door. Annual per capita income, I have been told, was little more than one hundred dollars per year. Subsistence farming and barter obviated the need for larger amounts of cash. The corollary however was that luxuries, such as a pot of jam, at two bucks each, were indeed luxuries, and beyond the reach of most residents.
There was an older white lady at the fruit and vegetable stand, and we smiled politely at one another.
A few minutes later, engrossed in my task, I had almost lost all situational awareness. The explosion of instantaneous brute violence was as sudden as it was totally unexpected. It took my breath away. The security guard was mercilessly beating two men with his baseball bat. I have never before or since seen any man handle a bat with such a savage ferocity. The blows raining on the two men, apparently caught in the act of attempting to shoplift, were so fierce, that I could both hear and sense the brutal impact of wood upon bone. It seemed humanly impossible to deliver such a quantity of blows, delivered with such a vengeance, for such a prolonged period of time. I for my part, and the lady beside me, stood rooted to the spot. On and on the blows kept coming, while the two victims cowered and pleaded, feebly attempting to protect themselves with bare hands.
It was ugly.
But now I was beginning to be aware of another sound. Onlookers, peering in through the window, family relatives probably, had seen the debacle. A shout was raised outside, followed by another, eagerly -so it seemed- taken up by screaming womenfolk. In a flash, the situation escalated, and now a howling, baying mob was trying to force its way into the building. Ranged against them were several security guards, and the Asian shop owner and his assistants, running frantically from back offices.
That there was alarm in the air was beyond doubt. The battle front now raged at the entrance, with one side trying to force their way in, and the other side trying to close the ten foot tall solid doors. I debated for several seconds if I should run across to assist. The sight however of several machetes being waved in the air (and more appearing all the time) made me think twice. Neutrality –if that were even possible– seemed to be a definite option to consider.
By now the screaming had become deafening. It was not just an expression of anger. There was something much more sinister to it. It was eerie. It seemed more like a war cry, a rallying sound, and even a death threat. Bricks and stones were now being thrown against the windows, and glass was shattering. More rocks were being lobbed into the shop, over the heads of the combatants. It also seemed now that different cries were answering this call to arms, and I could see dozens more men running up the street to join the riot. The security guards and the owner and his staff were now frantically trying to force the doors shut. Their faces communicated serious panic. Again I debated running over to help, and again I decided against it. But now fear was clutching at me. The machetes being waved in the air were bad enough, the hollering and screaming and chanting was intimidating to put it mildly, but what was really getting my adrenaline flowing, and my awareness of extreme danger present, was this:
the extraordinary expressions on the faces of the mob…
It was not just the eyes. The eyes were ugly, staring, crazed, hate filled and bloodthirsty. But the expressions as a whole were peculiarly blank. I imagined the mob breaking in, with their machetes, and hacking down everybody. I imagined them looting everything, and then setting fire to the remains, including us. And if it were to happen, I knew it would happen with the same blank facial expressions. With the same, blank, primitive blood lust…
All of a sudden, I fully comprehended what others had been trying to tell me. If you run over a chicken, don’t stop. They will kill you. If you run over a piglet, don’t stop. They will kill you. If you knock over a child… may God help you.
And now I understood more. I understood the burning necklace. Where they tie an old tire around your neck, douse it with petrol, and set it alight. And watch to see how far you can run. In my mind’s eye I saw it all, and the same cheering, baying, screaming, delighted, blood lust crazed mob, with their peculiar blank stares.
Fear… I had to do something.
I turned to the white woman beside me, who was watching the proceedings with sad, wise, frightened eyes.
“I don’t think much of these pears. Well past their prime, I’d say. “
Resolutely she turned around, and studied my offering.
“No “, she said, her lips thoughtfully pressing together.
“No, they do look as if they needed eating yesterday “.
I nodded. “Um. Well, then there’s these apples. Kinda yellowy looking to me. “
Glass smashed behind us, and inside the store, somebody screamed in pain. I willed myself not to look.
She said she was considering buying some canned prunes instead.
More screaming inside the store.
I said I thought that was a great idea. Maybe they had some canned pears as well? Slamming, body blows, security guards beating people across the head. Machetes clanging against baseball bats.
Her voice trembled a little. But she continued on. And so did I…
With a nonsensical, artificial, distracting conversation. Designed ostensibly with the quality of fruit in mind, but in reality, aimed only at the preservation of our inner and exterior composure…
Exactly what might have happened, belongs to the realm of speculation. Suffice it to say that I was never so relieved when I finally heard those huge front doors being forced shut, and iron bars being placed against them. Although it still felt as if we were under siege, with the mob outside still pounding on the doors and windows, at least we felt one step further away from all those gleaming machetes, and those horrible, unseeing, blank faces.
The local Police arrived then, with water cannons, tear gas, more baseball bats, and a lot of really tough looking Papua men. Within moments, the rioters were fleeing down side streets, pushing one another over in their haste, with the strong trampling on the weak. I could hear shots fired, a lot of screams, and I could see the Police chasing and beating the stragglers. Some of the cops had uniform shirts, but no uniform trousers. Just sawn off shorts. Others wore uniform trousers, with faded American T-shirts.
All had been chewing Betelnut. And absolutely all of them were masters of the baseball bat, able to swing and beat, and swing and beat, over and over again.
Soon, it was all over. The streets were empty, except for the Police.
The shop owner advised us to stay inside for a while. We stayed an hour. I was driven back to my ship.
To this day, if I see a march on Television, in South Africa perhaps, with black townsfolk marching and chanting, or dancing in that peculiar tribal way they have, waving their machetes, I find myself shuddering.
And thinking back.
To a stilted conversation I once had, with a white lady whose name I never knew.
We talked, intimately, intensely, on a deep level of mutual consciousness and awareness…
About pears.
And some yellowy looking apples…
Francis Meyrick
Return to Index? (ChopperStories.COM)?
Last edited by Francis Meyrick on March 19, 2014, 10:53 pm
Jeremy’s War: Chapter 40 “The Loser “
November 11, 2008 in Jeremy’s War
Part Five
“THE LAST BATTLE ”
Ch.40 THE LOSER
He lay in bed, and stared up at the flaking ceiling.
The small apartment had once been luxurious, but the whole building had long since passed its peak. The area had gone down, and so had the occupants.
Sometimes he lay on his back on the dirty sheets, gazing at the ceiling. It was an awkward, yet comfortable position. Comfortable in that he could gaze up and out into the world. Awkward in that it was almost impossible to swallow. The beer would run down his face and chin, and he would cough and splutter. He would have to raise himself onto his elbow, take a swallow, and then sink back. That exercise frequently exhausted him. Then he would prop himself up against the wall, and remain in that position, virtually without motion, for hours on end.
Only the raising of the bottle…
the slow, quisling dance of his Adam’s apple…
and the lowering of the bottle…
…disturbed the statue’s sculptured outline.
Strangely,a title was missing.
‘Man with bottle’.
‘Human reflections’.
‘Homo Sapiens’.
‘The loser…’
The eyes were the most curious of all. They saw nothing, and yet they saw so much. The occasional visitor – increasingly rare – would wonder if those eyes saw anything. A stranger’s hand passed in front of the bearded face drew no answering blink from the sunken sockets. No re-focussing of the lenses. Nothing. Those early visitors left, convinced that he saw nothing. They were wrong.
The eyes saw so much. Saw, and re-lived. The mind felt.
The ears heard.
Occasionally, when there was no one to see….
the eyes cried.
Hours went by. Days added to weeks.
He no longer answered the door. Visitors no longer called. He had lost sense of time. He cared for no one. All shunned him. Even his mother, distraught, heartbroken, hysterical, could no longer bear to look on the son she loved.
He refused to open the door to her anyway…
Once a day, every night at about six, old Mrs Emmet let herself in with her key. A dear lady suffering from more than the initial stages of senile dementia, she would walk around tut-tutting to herself.
She would drop the shopping off in the stinking kitchen, and make him a simple meal. Usually a bowl of soup with some buttered bread.
Often, when she arrived the next night, the half eaten meal would testify to all he had consumed in the previous twenty four hours. She would tut-tut again, and busy herself, muttering all the while.
He heard her not.
Two old friends, implored by a distraught Mrs Armstrong, decided to take positive action.
They grabbed Jeremy physically by the scruff of his neck, and marched him to the bathroom. They bathed him, shaved him, and dressed him in a clean suit. Then they marched him off to a good restaurant, where they had ordered him a large steak. He had meekly obeyed their every instruction. In the end, clean, shining, and even smelling of perfume, he had appeared normal again, even if very quiet. The two had been congratulating themselves, but had underestimated the weakened state of Jeremy’s stomach. He had vomited it all up in spectacular style, right across the immaculate white table top, and across one of his saviors. Amidst the shock and consternation, he had hung his head, and a secondary heave had produced more liquid. This had spread itself liberally across his jacket, shirt, and trousers. He had sat there, with a vacant look, with vomit trickling yet from one corner of his mouth. Small heaves of his shoulders, irregular and menacing, had further terrified the onlookers, and he had been rushed to the bathroom, where he had produced more vomit, and many strange noises. Their meal, and that of everyone else, had been ruined. The restaurant proprietor had been mortified, and been ecstatic to see the backs of the unwelcome trio.
His friends had given up at that point.
As one of them had said, in a peeved manner:
“If Jeremy won’t help himself, then I can’t see what more we can do… ”
That sentiment had been warmly welcomed, as summing up the situation nicely. It had also been a convenient political justification for taking no further action.
“We’ve tried… the guy won’t help himself…
…he’s a loser… ”
It was, even for Jeremy, quite amazing the way time slipped by. He would awake, aware that this was another day. He would stare into space, and then it would be night again. He would slide into a dream tossed sleep, and sometimes wake up, trembling and struggling, bathed in perspiration.
What was the point…?
* * *
To Emmy, who emotionally clung to people who hurt or were troubled like a loyal limpet, Jeremy’s fate was a source of endless grief.
She too, had tried to visit, and had found it -like everyone else- more and more difficult to communicate with the strangely absent supine figure. For many months, he had not answered the door to her even to her. That for Emmy was hurtful beyond words. They had been so close, almost intimate, and there had been a spark of Romance always hovering about. Now, with the gentle Robert only a rare visitor, it was as if her heart had finally been lit by that spark, and found itself royally ablaze.
She would spend hours in her room, pining to be loved. She would stare into her fire, or out the window, and try, -try so mightily!- to analyze her own feelings, and to understand, -oh, just to understand!- the horror of what had afflicted her old friend.
Your old friend? Friend? FRIEND?
A voice would eerily haunt through her mind. It seemed at times to be that of a helper, a concerned friendly voice. At other times there was a slight mocking ring to it,even a hint of cruel delight.
That wasn’t your friend!
That was your only -ever- true lover! He was crazy about you, and you… you always played the same game…
you let him get SO close, and no further. You KNEW he loved you, wanted to love you, but respected you…
You… broke his heart…
She would shake her head, clench her fists, and answer the voice in her mind angrily, with words, spoken out loud, yet softly, lest anyone hear her…
“That’s not true! I didn’t lead him on!
He was in love with me! Yes, I knew that! I knew his passion. I knew what raged beneath that surface of self control… He frightened me.
He drank. He rode horses like the devil. He thought so fiercely, so intensively about Life, and the meaning of it. He felt things. But… He frightened me.
If I had given him ONE sign of encouragement…
There would have been no stopping him… he would have wanted everything: Marriage.
The voice would become more sneering.
Marriage, eh? A fate worse than death? You were frightened to follow your heart, weren’t you? And why? Because you were frightened, yes. But the main source of your fear was not his passion, or his occasional drinking, or his wild spirit… No. It was bed. Bed. Giving yourself to him, making love, feeling his body mate to yours, and all that that entailed! You were frightened of bed. Simple as that.
So… you convinced yourself that you were just close friends. That there was no more to it than that. That you were brother and sister. You even invented a true romance with poor little harmless -nice- Robert. You wrote that callous letter to him, whilst he was braving death in France, telling him of your new alliance… You lied to him, the same way you lied to yourself. Now… you pay the price… you love him. But in him… something has died.
She would become furious with the voice, and argue back passionately.
“That’s not true! ”
She would control herself, with an effort.
“I didn’t lie… He… he WAS always nearly out of control, beneath that surface. He lunged at me one day! He grabbed me, wanted to embrace and kiss me, and I… I hit him! As hard as I could. I had to! I hit him and he backed off… ”
The voice would be come thoughtful. Measured. Almost contemplative.
Yes…
Yes, he lunged at you. He grabbed you in his arms, and he was out of control. And yes, you hit him. But do you remember the way he backed off? The way he was hurt? The way he stammered a thousand apologies? The way he was mortified? Yes… he made a grab for you. Pathetic. Sad. A confused man. You, rightly, nobly, in all the best traditions of womanhood, you smacked him one. But…
Was he just grabbing for something physical? Was he just grabbing like a beast for your body? Or…
She would flinch, knowing what was coming. The voice could hurt…
Or was he just, clumsily, grabbing for your love?
Ask yourself the question: Would he have just enjoyed your body, and ignored your mind? Or would he have savored your body and treasured your mind? How many nights did you and he debate the meaning of Life until four o’clock in the morning? Did he touch you then?
Did he make ONE MOVE against you?
She knew the answer, and her chest heaved in turmoil.
No, he didn’t…
The voice would continue, a sardonic note rising above
the music…
And there was an odd sequel to his trying to embrace you, wasn’t there…?
She would jump to her feet, and pace the room, like a cornered animal, trapped, hunting pointlessly for escape,
knowing there was none. The voice would continue, relentlessly…
You realized how much YOU wanted him as well, didn’t you…?
Didn’t you…?
* * *
He was trying to write.
His hand kept shaking. His brow was knotted in fierce concentration. He felt a helpless frustration at times at his own body, thwarting and mocking his feeble attempts to produce a legible scribble…
Dear Heidi,
I apologize to you for this unworthy scrap of paper, but it was all I could find. I am also sorry for my handwriting. I am surprised at how much my hands are shaking.
I wanted to tell you that I was unable to locate any of the personal effects of your brother. I didn’t get much opportunity, and I suggest you contact the Red Cross.
I was glad to have met you. I felt such an attraction to you, and I want to thank you for understanding and forgiving my behavior at your brother’s grave.It was all very difficult for me.
I wonder if you could write to me?
I have nobody now. My father is ashamed of me. My mother and sister are embarrassed. I no longer have anyone who means anything to me.
I used to be in love with a beautiful girl called Emmy. I worshiped the ground she trod on. We would walk and talk for hours. We had really stimulating conversations. But we never touched. I felt she loathed it. I don’t know why. Something happened to make her fear men. I always felt if I touched her, she would run away…
This is silly of me. I don’t know why I am writing to you, a perfect stranger, about this. Only I don’t feel like you are a stranger. I feel very close to you. I know what you went through. I have felt the same. The hurt, the futility, the waste of war. And where people are concerned, the sheer hypocrisy, the two-facedness, the…
He had sank back, exhausted by the emotions that swept over him, and rampaged through his spirit…
* * *
Hours later, he woke up.
In the fog of stupor, he was at first unable to find the letter. He groped around for it, in a strange and irrational panic, eyes wide with horror, until his fingers closed on the scraps of paper. Hungrily, he read every word he had written, noticing the grease marks on the paper, and the appalling handwriting.
He closed his eyes, and thought of the small,slim, female figure standing at her brother’s grave.
What would she think at receiving such an unworthy missal?
He groaned, and sank back against the wall.
The rage, when it welled up, arrived suddenly, and consumed all. He crumpled the letter into a little ball, threw it across the room, screamed, threw the squalid blankets away, jumped out of what passed for a bed, and threw the chair across the room. The water jug smashed satisfyingly against the wall, bringing back memories of a crystal wine glass shattering in an ornate fire place…
Faces suddenly surrounded him, mocking, accusing, sneering
and pointing…
He lashed out wildly, kicking, smashing, breaking, screaming, crying…
He was unaware of the knocking on the door, and the voice that cried his name despairingly, and the footsteps that ran away in terror.
* * *
There were people standing over him.
It didn’t matter to him. There were always specters in his world. If he shut his eyes, they would go away. They always did. It was only another bad dream.
Insistent. That was the word.
Go away and leave me alone…
That voice was droning on about him.
“… he is in a very weakened state. There are clear symptoms of malnutrition. For a young man, I am really shocked at his state of neglect. His heart will be weakened, and such rage attacks as we see evidence of here, could bring on a seizure, or worse. If he continues like this, he will soon go beyond recovery. I fear he needs to be committed to an insane asylum… ”
Insane asylum…?
Another voice was speaking now. A different voice. A woman’s voice.
It was tearful, pleading.
He knew that voice…
He faded back into unconsciousness.
* * *
She woke up slowly, dully aware that she had actually slept for the first time for… three nights? Three days and three nights since that horrible scene at Jeremy’s lodgings.
She shivered, and tears came to her eyes.
They wanted to commit Jeremy…
She slipped out of bed, and instinctively wrapped her night gown more tightly around herself. Then, feeling monstrously guilty as before, she picked up and re-read the crumpled letter she had picked up off the floor in Jeremy’s room. Why? What instinct had made her slip the discarded letter into her sleeve? So that she could read it later?
She had now read the letter so many times, she knew it off by heart. What should she do?
She had pleaded with the two doctors for time. Promising, somehow, to lift Jeremy out of the depression that threatened to destroy his mind, maybe even kill him. They had wanted to have him removed there and then. With difficulty, she had extracted a two week grace period from them. Provided he threw no more insane fits…
Insane fits…
She shivered at the recollection of the phrase used, and felt tearful. Jeremy was not insane, that she knew. Felt with all her heart.
Just hurt. Terribly, terribly hurt…
She looked at herself in the long mirror.
On an impulse, she threw off her nightgown, and stood there, nude, studying her own body in the half light.
Men thought her desirable, she knew that only too well.
The leers, the charmingly nice falseness… she knew what some of them wanted. Just her body. Not her mind, or her soul, or her love.
Just her body…
She looked at her breasts, and her pubic hair, and, not for the first time, tried to imagine a man making love to her.
His naked body on top of hers, fondling her breasts, kissing her, embracing her, rubbing up against her. She could probably cope with that. But the sexual act…
She spread her legs, and studied her vagina.
It was hard to imagine a man entering her. Thrusting his erect penis in through that opening, and …
She shook herself, and turned away. Sitting down on the bed, she longed for Jeremy. She knew she longed to comfort him, and bring him back to be the man she once knew.
But how?
She got up, restlessly, and went back to the mirror again. Yes, she had a beautiful body.
Jeremy?
Should she just go to him, take her clothes off, and lie
with him? Would he make love to her? Would he enter her, and…
Restlessly, she started to pace the room.
A different voice was making itself heard. A kinder voice.
Understanding…
Jeremy needs more than sex. He needs love.
He needs love from somebody he loves. He needs to be listened to by somebody he wants to talk to. And you know, honestly, he doesn’t want to talk to you.
He doesn’t even open the door to you anymore…
You know what he wants. You know what he needs. Not sex.
He wants his love…
Emmy shivered, buried her face in her hands, and cried soundlessly for hours.
* * *
The day the door opened quietly, he wondered very vaguely why Mrs Emmet was so early. Surely it was still morning?
Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe the day had passed already. Curious, the way the day slid by. Night time already.
He could have sworn he had just woken up to a new dawn.
Well, what did it matter?
Nothing mattered any more.
Something in the footsteps made him look up. Slowly.
He had no idea how his tired, drawn, sunken and emaciated face horrified all who observed it. The steps stopped, and he focused with difficulty on the blurred shape. A face floated in front of him.
He knew that face…
He felt a mild surprise. The surprise grew in intensity.
It was a mistake. He shut his eyes. When he opened them, the face was still there.It was crying.
Wonder replaced his surprise.
Heidi…
He held out his arms like a child, his face crumpling, and she ran to him.
* * *
In the street outside, Emmy Houghton glanced up at the dirty windows of the shabby little house, and thought of her correspondence with Heidi. She had poured her heart out to the little German girl, and described Jeremy’s miserable state in full. Her feminine instinct had not been wrong, and the answering letters had been so full of compassion, that Emmy had known straight away that she had found a kindred spirit.
Now… Heidi was here.
It was…
…good.
Time went by, and Emmy still waited outside.
Then, she realized. Slowly. Reluctantly.
Turned. And walked down the street,past the old, battered dustbins, and the rubbish in the gutters.
She was no longer needed…
Slowly she opened her handbag, and took out the letters from Germany. She studied the postmarks, and Heidi’s small, neat writing. Glancing back up at the house again, she slowly, without any violence, tore up the letters, and let the remains flutter down into a bin.
Then she walked a few hundred yards further down the street, and crossed the creaking old wooden bridge over the stream, and stopped again. She looked at the water, rippling by, and the light of a warm, new sun breaking up into so many merry dancing patches on the surface.
She looked back up the road towards the old house, and thought of Heidi and Jeremy together.
Could it have been her? She would never know.
She leaned, exhausted, over the railing, and gazed sadly into the waters below.
Reflections, and images, of what might have been…
A tear trickled, unseen, down her cheek,
and fell, sparkling, down into the flood,
to mix instantly with all the other tears…
that danced, merrily,
in the eternal sunlight,
and rushed on, remorselessly, towards the distant, waiting sea.
Francis Meyrick
(c)