BROKEN DREAMS
Posted on April 14, 2008
He was living far away,
thinking of her every day,
however, the distance was
separating them-they were not able
to see each other every day.
His heart longing for the love
she was always in his thoughts
only letters that he wrote
saying…I love you
Put a smile on her face.
She was a queen in his eyes
and in his dreams too.
Someone very special,
He loved her dearly
they could not be together.
He said “I love you…always will “,
her heart was in a rage of directions.
She was unable to join him
for the life journey in togetherness.
The future they planned
Was it a dream, a ‘wish upon a star’?
Filled with emptiness in his heart
what has left perhaps… a beach?
His favourite place, a Sanctuary,
a Solace for his past time-
Where he loved to draw
a picture of her in the sand
with a shape of a beautiful heart.
Waves washed it all away.
Only the breeze listened to his sigh.
A tear trickled down on his face
missing her smile;
His dreams not fulfilled-
Left him sad and heart broken.
© 2008 Zuzanna
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Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.
– Denis Waitley
Last edited by Zuzanna on April 20, 2008, 10:01 am
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Loading…2 responses to “BROKEN DREAMS”
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You put a lot of feeling into this one, Zuzanna… I’ve made some suggestions…
He was living far away,
Thinking of her every day,
However, the distance was
Separating them-they were not able
to see each other every day.
His heart longing for the love
She was always in his thoughts
Only letters that he wrote
Saying…I love you
Put (A) smile on her face.
She was a queen in his eyes
and in his dreams too.
Someone very special,
He loved her dearly
But they could not be together.
He said (")I love you…always will("),
The heart was rage of directions.
(her heart raged at…..etc
(her heart was IN A rage….etc)
She was unable to join him
for the life journey in togetherness.
The future they planned
Was (IT) a dream, a (‘)wish upon a star(‘)?
Filled with emptiness in his heart
What has (WAS?) left perhaps… a beach?
His favourite place(,) a Sanctuary,
a Solace for his past time-
Where he loved to draw
A picture of her in the sand
with a shape of a beautiful heart (PS: I used to do that…)
Waves washed it all (AWAY).
Only (THE) breeze listened to his sigh.
A tear run (RAN DOWN), TRICKLED DOWN?)[on] his face missing her smile.
His dreams (,)not fulfilled.
(LEFT HIM SAD and, etc) He was sad and heart broken.
Dear Francis
Thank you so much for your suggestions.
This I call a great critique.
I appreciate your feedback.
It makes perfect sense.
MANY THANKS!
Zuzanna