Rules for Writers

Posted on November 24, 2007

1. Abandon Hope, Ye Who Enter Here. It’s a dangerous and heartless world for those who put their fears and hearts out into the world for review.

2. Respect the stupid man. Though they be ignorant and nuisance, they also be your audience, many stupid people in the world. Write for the audience because no one cares about you.

3. Destroy yourself and your craft. There is no craft in writing, not anymore, never again. The New York Times Best Selling authors say that they have an office in their homes where they work 8 hour days with a lunch break in between, and in that time they force themselves to write. Whatever comes out is forced. No art. Sell.

4. Be irrational. The tallest of the tall tales makes for good sci fi. If you wanted to write a coherent story, you should have been a screenwriter.

5. Become a Creative Genius. Go sit by yourself in the aisles of Barnes and Noble and just read. Many people’s intelligence can’t support their imagination, so become intelligent. Creative Genius’ are people who are amazing at being completely wrong, but do it so that it sounds like it could be right.

6. Stay in school. Let them purge your gift from your system and give you their way of doing it. If you follow the program, you’ll transfer to USC where you’ll get a Master’s in Creative Writing and become rich and famous like Stephen Spielberg. The worse that will happen is that you will end up being a legal secretary and they make good money. All your lousy natural talent will get you is some luck.

7. Don’t hang out on writer’s websites. They’re full of people who believe in themselves. People who believe in themselves put everything of themselves into their writing, so when you critique their writing, you are critiquing them. If someone called you fat, you’d punch them too even if you were fat. Never say anything but nice things about someone’s writing, flattery may get you a job and at worse may get you laid.

8. Don’t listen to what “those who’ve been published ” have to say, go straight to a publisher and ask them if your stuff is crap or not because in the end, all every writer is doing is guessing at what may or may not get published. You’re wasting your time and emotions listening to writing guru’s.

9. Never fall with a friend. Though you be an angel, fallen angels always end up in Hell.

And last but not least…

10. If at first you don’t succeed…quit.

Last edited by Nicole_Hellene on November 25, 2007, 11:25 am

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6 responses to “Rules for Writers”

  1. Or…. just write for the sheer joy of self expression!
    And don’t worry about what people think, other than your friends.
    I’m cynical about "published" works as well, as market forces, political pressure tactics, high pressure sales… are often much more effective than good writing.
    I’ve seen some TERRIBLE stuff in print…
    Just write…to write.

    Glad to see you here, Nicole!

    (I gave you 100%, but the scoring system needs a review!)

  2. This is a story with bitterness. For somebody so young and nice looking (that is you in the foto?) then I have to say, maybe you just have a bad evening. You write very well. Maybe also you joke with us? Yes?
    I like to see you write more. Maybe you try something different.
    Not so cynical? But you write well.


  3. Seems right up my alley… like I always say, "If you can’t beat ’em, just smack ’em around a little bit".

    Quite the talent you have for literary cynicism. This is a good tongue-in-cheek work.

    Keep up the writing… or quit (but I’m sure you’ll succeed first)!

    Simply, Le’

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