Francis Meyrick

On Bible-Belters

Him: “But, Mister Francis, why do you have it in so hard for what you term Bible-belters? Are you mocking the Bible? Don’t you believe in God? Here, I am going to quote you as follows, from God’s Holy Word…..”
Me: “CAN IT! Stop! No! Down, Fido! Get in your kennel!
I’m busy. I’m not going to stand here and listen to you proudly showing off & demonstrating your vast collection of memorized Bible verses, 99% totally off-topic, just so you can virtue parade your shiny Walmart halo! I have some really dog-eared Bibles sitting right here, and, this may come as a shock to you, but I BELIEVE and TRUST whole-heartedly in the Good Lord.”
Him: “But then why… do you call us Bible-belters??”
Me: “Because that’s exactly what you ARE. You march around, Bible in one hand, and a STUDDED LEATHER BELT in the other, convinced that you are doing the Good Lord’s will by BELT-lathering the living daylights out of any poor bastard who DARES to NOT follow protocol!
To wit?
Raise eyes-to-heaven, while you do your WAY off-topic, breathless, borderline rabid, verse spouting.
Murmur ‘Amen!’ at all the (many) appropriate intervals, with mucho bobbing-nodding of holy, ‘saved’, heads!
Meanwhile?
You have trouble finding Germany on the map, never mind Czecho-Slovakia, you’ve never heard of ‘Danzig’, you think ‘Weimar’ is a chocolate fudge flavor, and you have pictures of Winston Churchill, Mother Theresa, and Elie Wiesel hanging above your fireplace! You’re all over GAB, hurriedly blocking anybody like me, who might make you do something you HATE doing! To wit:
THINK.
You are totally convinced you were all good, Hitler was all bad, the good guys WON, and the Jews, for crying out loud? Far from being the instigators, manipulators, exploiters, and criminal, genocidal, war-stoking ghouls that they are? YOU CLOWNS think they are “God’s chosen people”, and that if you go against the Jews? You are going against God!
Him: “It says in the Bible that….”
Me: “Look! It says many a very good, insightful, incisive and fundamental thing in the Bible. But the Bible was written way before WW1 and WW2. God gave you, and me, a BRAIN. He gave us discretion. And with it, the ability to SIFT through the fog of war and false propaganda. Use it! You guys know NOTHING about present day History. Only what you see in weepy-weepy Hollywood movies, designed for short-attention-span, easily manipulated nitwits. That’s pure intellectual laziness on your part. And it makes you easy pickings for a FALSE propaganda, which fills you with proven LIES. So you THINK you’re doing God’s will, and in fact? You are, with your historical ignorance? Aiding and abetting the ENEMY!”
Him: “Mister Francis, you are lost in your sins, Sir. I shall pray for you.”
Me: “Thank you. Please do. I’m not proud. I’ll take all the help I can get. Meanwhile, may I make a suggestion?”
Him: “Err… Yes?”
Me: “Put the studded belt away for just five minutes, and read a History book. It won’t BITE you, and it won’t jeopardize your soul. Here, maybe start with THIS one…”