Angus – we all love you so much (2)
Posted on November 19, 2014
I finally, after two days, slept a few hours. I woke up with a start, his wondering face in front of me. Not looking at me.
I cried again. With the ferocious, wounded animal intensity, that pitiful howling, that knows no limits to grief.
I am drawn back to a website I found, by the name of www.emile-de-miranda.last-memories.com
Here is the link.
I know why. Amongst many sites out there on the Internet, there is a simple, honest purity there. No requests for “donations “, or money. Why do we have to monetize grief? There are no stupid advertisements either. It’s a simple site, but I sense much sincerity. On this website, I don’t ask for donations either. Nor do I advertise. The designer over there, and I, although we have never spoken, share some common value. It’s not about money. It goes much deeper. Money would be an obscenity. A distraction.
I find myself reading the stories of others there again.And thinking. I read the email from a good friend of mine.
I have no words. There is nothing I can say or do, which makes me feel so helpless. I love you. I feel a tiny tiny sliver of how awful you must feel, and I cry, real tears. You are both (he and you) in my thoughts and I hope you can forgive him (and yourself?)
It won’t help much but there are so many young people like him choosing this final solution. I’m sorry you are in so much pain right now. If you need to talk I’m here.
We talk on the phone, and he tells me about his daughter. We talk about other cases we have heard of. I tell him about my brother-in-law, who committed suicide only three weeks ago. We talk of causes. And he says something that is on my mind.
“Francis, you have the ability, the gift, to put into words what we maybe feel, but find hard to express in writing. Maybe you can help people, by doing what you do… “
I wonder about that. And I read again, and re-read what Jo Furmer said on www.emile-de-Miranda.last-memories.com, on November 1:
“Threads like this one create awareness, and I am sure many children who are struggling with suicidal thoughts read these posts. Thank you for your stories, and I truly hope you find peace somehow. “
He has made me think. On my Facebook page, I wrote this:
“This is a difficult, dark world, for young, feeling, sensitive people. Us old timers, toughened, war horses, we’ve been round the block a few times. We’ve got the scars on our souls, and we’ve got the tough hide. But to the young, the feeling, the idealistic, the pure in heart, the world is becoming a harder and harder place in which to grow up. My family and I are devastated by the suicide of my beautiful 24 year old boy, Angus… “
I look at his photo, and at his face.
“…he is so missed. I’m reeling from it. I have no more tears left. Hard, hard times. But Life will go on. Step by painful step, we will pick ourselves up. I wish the world was a more gentle place for young people. But it’s often not. It’s up to us, the survivors, to never, ever give up, and to keep trying, each in his own way, to make this a nicer world for young, struggling souls like Angus. Compassion is Man’s greatest virtue, and it is in that field that I will re-dedicate my energies, such as they are. I have two great videos of my boy, and here they are. Take an extra moment today to hug your loved ones. Be gentle with yourself. And with others. Peace. “
Ann wrote, on October 12, these words:
“Can someone please share with me, how they got through without cracking “
I face, newly, what many of you have already faced for a very long time. My heart goes out to you all.
(from the website designer at www.Emile-de-Miranda.last-memories.com I then got this message:
(I had to add here.. Please read the inspirational posts I wrote on here. On the left you will find the link. This tragedy was the worst thing I ever had to live through but I survived. I am a freelance journalist and writer and to be able to put into words what parents struggled with was a great help to me. Love and hugs, Rea mom of Emile)
Last edited by Francis Meyrick on November 25, 2014, 6:11 pm